For some people, breakfast is eggs Benedict and bottomless mimosas served by white-aproned, Emo-haired waiters in trendy restaurants. For others, breakfast is scrambled, fried, then rolled up in a greasy burrito sopping in green chili. Where these breakfast burritos live, the only thing poached might be the labor.
So go ahead and ditch your friends meeting at Toast or Snooze, and snag what you really need after a night of drinking, debauchery or whatever else keeps you up at night. These five grab-and-go breakfast burrito joints should satiate your cravings for the four basic food groups – fat, grease, cheese and green chili.
Santiago’s
In Denver, you can’t talk about breakfast burritos without mentioning Santiago’s. That would be like discussing public art monstrosities without acknowledging the Convention Center’s giant blue bear. With its addictive and sassy green chili, Santiago’s is so good for hangovers that AA should hold meetings here.
When you stumble in to order, you’ll have your choice between mild or spicy green chili. Mild should only be ordered by people who tear up when they see the words ‘fiery’ or ‘zesty’ and spicy by those who gargle with pepper spray. For everyone else, order half and half so you get the tangy flavor without burning off your taste buds. One bite into these saucy nuggets of Mexican goodness and your diet will be shot, but at $2 a pop, your budget won’t be.
Heidi’s
Heidi’s is on the opposite end of the spectrum from Santiago’s, and not just because it’s named after a nice Aryan girl. Their breakfast burritos are mild, gigantic and expensive (over $5). But they’re messy and satisfying; as they slide down your esophagus, you can feel them coating your ribs with their mystery sauce and velvety cheese. They don’t purport to be authentic Mexican-style (it’s a Brooklyn deli after all), so don’t be surprised when your choice of meats are ham, bacon or sausage. You’re as likely to find chorizo here as you are a real New Yorker.
Arapahoe Junction
Sometimes – OK, rarely – you want your burrito devoid of grease. When you’re feeling naughty enough to want a breakfast burrito but angelic enough to abstain from full-on fat lubrication, Arapahoe Junction is your pull-out method of the breakfast burrito world. It’s still big and loaded with fresh potatoes, eggs, cheese and green chili, but without the greasiness, which is ironic since it's coming from a Mexican diner.
Juan’s on Stout
Now back to the lard. Juan’s breakfast burritos are so greasy, they should be labeled an ingredient in Crisco. Rumor has it Billy Dee Williams used them in his hair. But grease be damned, Juan makes damn good burritos. They’re stuffed with chorizo so spicy it makes a party at Tommy Lee’s house look tame, and at under $3 a pop they’re a bargain. Take a few napkins with you – these burritos are juicy.
Illegal Petes
In Colorado’s competitive generic burrito market, Illegal Pete’s is the hip Fonz to Qdoba’s Richie Cunningham and Chipotle’s Potsie. Whereas their regular menu leaves something to be desired (ie flavor), their breakfast burritos are worth a try. They don’t use the best chorizo, eggs or potatoes, but somehow they work together better than R. Kelly and Roman Polanski at a pep rally. In terms of heat, your tongue feels the spice of the chorizo, but won’t beg for mercy. Like their flagship burritos, the breakfast models are huge and will replenish your hung-over tummy.
When your Toast- and Snooze-bound friends call to ask where you are, tell them your Bikram yoga class ran long. And then keep stuffing that dripping-good burrito into your face.
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