'Love N' Dancing' review

Amy Smart and Tom Malloy (Credit: Screen Media)

Two-time US Open swing dance champion Jake (charisma-challenged Tom Malloy) retires from the competitive scene to teach and give motivational speeches to students about living with a disability (he happens to be deaf, though can hear to some degree with the use of hearing aids). During one of those appearances he meets English teacher Jessica Donovan (Amy Smart), who wants to take lessons with her workaholic fiancé Kent (Billy Zane). With Kent’s job keeping him preoccupied, Jake and Jessica grow closer together and she urges him to compete in the World Championship of Swing. Will they become a pair both on and off the dance floor?

The buzz: Director Robert Iscove’s career “peaked” with the middling but successful teen comedy “She’s All That.” Since then he’s helmed a string of lame musicals including “From Justin to Kelly,” Nickelodeon’s “Spectacular!” and the stage adaptation “The Ten Commandments: The Musical” (starring Val Kilmer and a pre-“American Idol” Adam Lambert—it’s as camptastic as it sounds). Writer-star Malloy doesn’t inspire much more confidence with his track record of scripting and appearing in widely ignored ready-for-DVD thrillers “The Attic” and “The Alphabet Killer.”

The verdict: Generic title, generic movie. Everything about “Love n’ Dancing”—from the production value to the casting—screams “ABC Family original.” So how did it wind up in theaters? Even as a limited release? That’s a mystery far more intriguing than anything on screen. From shamefully trite dialogue—“You’re already married…to your job!”; “I’m the coolest guy on the dance floor!” (yes, Malloy wrote that about himself)—to a cringe-inducing subplot about a bad breakup between bodacious lesbian Danielle (Leila Arcieri) and put-upon receptionist Kalle (Rachel Dratch), the movie is full of stuff that would’ve been awkward and embarrassing in 1989, let alone 20 years later. Even the dance scenes—which seem to be staged and scored for minimum excitement—fall flat. “Dancing with the Stars” proves you don’t have to be cutting edge to connect with dance fans, but “Love ‘n Dancing” has all the wrong moves.

Did you know? Even if this movie disappears without a trace, Malloy has a lot to fall back on. Among his many skills mentioned in the press notes: actor, producer, writer, dancer, singer, motivational speaker, stand-up comedian, martial artist, magician and computer expert.

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