Super Bowl TV alternatives

Seven non-football TV picks for Super Bowl Sunday

By Rebecca Swanner

Posted January 27, 2009

Special to Metromix

If you're not super excited about watching full grown men in spandex scramble over a ball and tackle each other to the ground, then perhaps you should take a second look at your birth certificate or citizenship papers. Or better yet, you can find something else to watch with our handy guide of what else to watch on Super Bowl Sunday on your already out-of-date 720p HDTV.

2008 World Series of Poker
If your idea of sport is more a thinking man's game that involves big hats, large sunglasses and sitting motionless at a table, tune into ESPN and watch amateur players take on the biggest honchos and try to bluff their way out of miserable hands. If only we had that kind of skill, so we wouldn't have to cuddle with our baseball bat at night just in case the loan sharks drop in for a surprise visit.
On ESPN from 3 p.m.-7 p.m.

Bathroom Renovations/Bathtastic!
You might think getting stuck watching the Super Bowl is crappy. But really, in comparison to what you could be doing, it's not that bad. For instance, your TV could be stuck on the DIY Network where, for 16 hours straight, they'll be airing shows that teach you how to remodel your bathroom. Now, we appreciate DIY's helpful attitude, but we're as excited for their Toilet Bowl as the Detroit Lions are about their standing this season. Hey-o!
On DIY Network from 7 a.m.-11 p.m.

Death Wish I-III
You like action. You like adventure. You don't, however, like football. Well, you're in luck because AMC—the station that has somewhat recently graduated to showing both black and white AND color films—is airing the Death Wish films back to back this Sunday with Charles Bronson as a ruthless vigilante going after those who harmed his family. By the time you reach the third film, you’ll realize that not only is Bronson’s character a total badass, but his mustache is a thing of beauty.
On AMC from noon-6, then from 6-midnight

Puppy Bowl V
The Super Bowl's halftime show since the Janet Jackson debacle have finally started to improve, and this year we'll be greeted by Bruce Springsteen. And, unless someone pantses the Boss onstage, we don't think we'll see Paul McCartney again for a while. Still, it's hard to resist the absolute adorableness of Puppy Bowl V, complete with a kitten halftime and a ridiculous ref. And now that Puppy Cam has gone off the air, where else do you expect to get your four-legged fix?
On Animal Planet starting at 3 p.m. ET/PT

World Extreme Cagefighting
We know, football is too wussy for you. So why don't you switch over to Versus (the channel that actually still airs hockey games) to check out eight straight hours of cagefighting. If that doesn't get your testosterone pumping, try revving a chainsaw while watching.
On Versus starting at 6 p.m.-2 a.m.

Movies Women Want marathon
If the idea of eating bonbons speaks to you more than watching a pigskin fly through the air, TBS is airing a marathon of "Movies Women Want." So between "My Best Friend's Wedding" and "What Women Want", you're sure to get enough estrogen to hold you over until the next bachelorette party you're invited to. However, why the only hot guy who graces any of these films is Matthew McConaughey is beyond us.
On TBS from 9:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

The Sopranos
No matter how you slice up the pie, the Sopranos were just never as bleeping good on A&E as they were on mother-bleeping HBO. But that isn't going to stop some of you from tuning into their mafia marathon. If you do tune in to watch, we recommend hitting up A&E's helpful guide to Mafioso lingo so you can talk like one of the crew. Plus, it's a key skill to have if you're looking for a way to annoy everyone who lives in New Jersey.
On A&E from noon-3:30 a.m.

Oh, and should you want to watch Super Bowl XLIII, tune in to CBS at 6 p.m. ET/ 3 p.m. PT.