Secondhand Advice: Tavern Uptown
A smokers paradise, but a gem for the smoke-free as well
Special to Metromix
How the smoking ban came to be
(to the tune of Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”)
Once upon a time, not long ago,
when people weren’t uptight and not everyone was forced to kowtow.
When laws were stern and justice stood,
but personal liberties were respected just like they should.
There were some little lawmakers who were misled,
by some puritanical fear mongers and this is what they said,
‘Me and you congressman, gonna make some folks mad.
Take a good place and make it go bad;
ban a simple pleasure and interrupt their leisure.’
They did the job, objections were overruled with ease.
No one could stop them, it was like a disease.
City after city, another and another,
No one could escape, not your sister or your brother.
Eventually the ban came to Denver,
and smokers had to go undercover…
And there might be no better place for nicotine addicts to go undercover than at the Tavern Uptown. Operated by the Tavern Hospitality Group, which also runs three other regionally named Tavern locations, along with the Soiled Dove and the Cowboy Lounge, the Tavern Uptown is, not surprisingly, their uptown location.
Décor: Situated in an area of Denver dating back to the late 19th century, the Tavern exudes a Wild West charm, but with new age amenities. Large plate glass windows look out onto 17th street from the inside bar area. They would be ideal for throwing rabble rousers through where there is not plush leather booths in the way. The bar itself is a stereotypical old western saloon drinking counter. But unlike faux-cowboy bars, this one does not come off as cliché. Long and mahogany with brass accents, ordering a drink—while always exciting —can feel anti-climactic if the bar keeper doesn’t slide it down to you from the far end. You can almost picture Soapy Smith tipping back whiskey at the bar scheming up his “prize package soap sell swindle” [Wiki it] that made him nascent Denver’s most lucrative flimflammer. There’s also smoking inside, but it comes from a log fire surrounded by worn in leather couches. Many a bar would be content as such, but not the Tavern…
Patio: The patio is like Shagri-La for smokers and warrants its own section. At most bars the outdoor smoking section consists of a door, the sidewalk and maybe, if it’s Earth conscience, a cadaverous potted plant to toss your butts in. The Tavern Uptown sees your sickly scrub and raises you a verdant enclosed garden with park benches ensconced by tables. If drinking in a park setting is too hippie for your tastes, there’s a heated covered area with flat screen televisions and a bar comparable in size to the one indoors. In the winter months the heat lamps above the bar are cranked up high enough to give you third-degree burns. But loose a layer and repeat this mantra, ‘There’s two feet of snow outside and I’m inside, at a bar, in a t-shirt, drinking an adult beverage and smoking a cigarette.’
Drinks: It’s easy to run up a pretty hefty tab at the Tavern, simply because the place is like a super massive black hole, pulling everything in and depositing them in some sort of boozy parallel universe. Tap into the mentality of Soapy and come during happy hour from 3 p.m.-7 p.m. for 2-for-1 drinks, you’ll think your conning the place. And yes, we did say 3 p.m. After happy hour, there are drink specials every night starting at 10 p.m.; which usually include a draft and a cocktail or shot. During weekend brunch, a Bloody Mary bar is set up for your convenience and you can experiment with the bevy of different ingredients provided. But slow down, Yakov Smirnoff. Before you consider that vodka neat, the bartenders portion out the alcohol.
Bottom line: You’re still reading this? Go.
P.S. There’s pool and that adorable mini bowling game that makes you feel like a giant.
(to the tune of Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”)
Once upon a time, not long ago,
when people weren’t uptight and not everyone was forced to kowtow.
When laws were stern and justice stood,
but personal liberties were respected just like they should.
There were some little lawmakers who were misled,
by some puritanical fear mongers and this is what they said,
‘Me and you congressman, gonna make some folks mad.
Take a good place and make it go bad;
ban a simple pleasure and interrupt their leisure.’
They did the job, objections were overruled with ease.
No one could stop them, it was like a disease.
City after city, another and another,
No one could escape, not your sister or your brother.
Eventually the ban came to Denver,
and smokers had to go undercover…
And there might be no better place for nicotine addicts to go undercover than at the Tavern Uptown. Operated by the Tavern Hospitality Group, which also runs three other regionally named Tavern locations, along with the Soiled Dove and the Cowboy Lounge, the Tavern Uptown is, not surprisingly, their uptown location.
Décor: Situated in an area of Denver dating back to the late 19th century, the Tavern exudes a Wild West charm, but with new age amenities. Large plate glass windows look out onto 17th street from the inside bar area. They would be ideal for throwing rabble rousers through where there is not plush leather booths in the way. The bar itself is a stereotypical old western saloon drinking counter. But unlike faux-cowboy bars, this one does not come off as cliché. Long and mahogany with brass accents, ordering a drink—while always exciting —can feel anti-climactic if the bar keeper doesn’t slide it down to you from the far end. You can almost picture Soapy Smith tipping back whiskey at the bar scheming up his “prize package soap sell swindle” [Wiki it] that made him nascent Denver’s most lucrative flimflammer. There’s also smoking inside, but it comes from a log fire surrounded by worn in leather couches. Many a bar would be content as such, but not the Tavern…
Patio: The patio is like Shagri-La for smokers and warrants its own section. At most bars the outdoor smoking section consists of a door, the sidewalk and maybe, if it’s Earth conscience, a cadaverous potted plant to toss your butts in. The Tavern Uptown sees your sickly scrub and raises you a verdant enclosed garden with park benches ensconced by tables. If drinking in a park setting is too hippie for your tastes, there’s a heated covered area with flat screen televisions and a bar comparable in size to the one indoors. In the winter months the heat lamps above the bar are cranked up high enough to give you third-degree burns. But loose a layer and repeat this mantra, ‘There’s two feet of snow outside and I’m inside, at a bar, in a t-shirt, drinking an adult beverage and smoking a cigarette.’
Drinks: It’s easy to run up a pretty hefty tab at the Tavern, simply because the place is like a super massive black hole, pulling everything in and depositing them in some sort of boozy parallel universe. Tap into the mentality of Soapy and come during happy hour from 3 p.m.-7 p.m. for 2-for-1 drinks, you’ll think your conning the place. And yes, we did say 3 p.m. After happy hour, there are drink specials every night starting at 10 p.m.; which usually include a draft and a cocktail or shot. During weekend brunch, a Bloody Mary bar is set up for your convenience and you can experiment with the bevy of different ingredients provided. But slow down, Yakov Smirnoff. Before you consider that vodka neat, the bartenders portion out the alcohol.
Bottom line: You’re still reading this? Go.
P.S. There’s pool and that adorable mini bowling game that makes you feel like a giant.
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