'Avatar' review
Apparently the most expensive movie ever couldn't afford a decent story
Posted December 11, 2009
Metromix
The irritable Na'vi creatures of the planet Pandora clearly respect military service: The only reason they don't kill Jake Sully's (Sam Worthington) giant blue avatar—the remote-controlled body he uses to survive the outer-space settlement's lethal conditions—is because he's a former Marine. This allows Jake to bond with a local gal (Zoe Saldana) who saves his life and get hip to the Na'vi's environmental appreciation, which doesn't exactly jive with the humans' plan to relocate the Na'vi and dig for a valuable mineral.
The buzz: Pandora looks like a nice place: Pretty scenery, intriguingly violent animals, abundant hammocks and bikini-clad women with good combat skills. Writer-director James Cameron's ("Titanic," "Aliens") sci-fi epic should look good—he spent four years developing revolutionary 3-D technology for the effects—but the question remains why the plot shares so much DNA with "The Matrix" and "Dances with Wolves." Oh, with a production and marketing budget which varying reports suggest may reach $500 million, it's also acknowledged as the most expensive film ever made.
The verdict: If I wanted to hear endless nonsense spewed from something good-looking, I'd watch "The Tyra Banks Show." Yeah, some of the visuals in the otherwise cliché "Avatar" are cool, whether it's a tour through floating mountains or an attack from a rhino that seems to have been crossbred with a hammer. Otherwise a horrible script and crazy-long running time will make you think you're watching "2012." Don't expect to get close to any of the characters or hear a consistent explanation of how the avatar system works. No moral questions either. Instead: Unintentionally funny speechifying about the "Tree of Souls" and the most Smurftastic nudity since "Watchmen."
Did you know? Initially humans went to Pandora to teach English and build schools. Strange how that sort of thing never quite goes as smoothly as planned.
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